“How many children do you have?”
“Really? You want kids?”
“What about your legacy?”
Me: “My womb is not my legacy.”
While I don’t have a problem having a conversation about my decision, it’s not an open invitation to judge me. Just because women are prepped from childhood for motherhood does not mean we will all make that choice and it doesn’t erase my womanhood. It doesn’t diminish who I am.
When I tell a person I do not have children, why is there a need to understand why? Why isn’t my decision accepted and respected?
The role in this world that I hold in the highest regard is that of a parent. We are all not meant to be one. We can choose not to parent. We, as women, can choose not to have babies, and still leave an imprint on the world. I’m only 38, I have much more left to do in this lifetime.
I made a choice not to be a biological parent, but I have a partner who has a child. She is a young adult and I have had the blessing of being in her life for 12 years. I did not co-parent. I take no credit for the awesome human being she is today. But I can say that my role as a positive adult figure in her life is how I give back to this world. Everyday I strive to be the best human being I can be. I interact with children informally and formally. Every interaction leaves a mark. I work with adults who parent. My contact with them impacts their lives and therefore the lives of their children. I teach adults who will in turn work with children and families someday and some who are now and may someday be parents themselves. Indirectly, I am touching the lives of children everyday. And when that is not enough, I donate my time where I can. Where I know that it will help foster the lives of children.
I’m happy. That is what is most important. The next time someone says they are not and do not want to be a parent, do not assume anything.